Buhtt sex?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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