Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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