Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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