I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
