The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
