Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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