I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
