There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We need a shit load of segways right now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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