I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
