I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
