can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You ruined the universe
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
