When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
