It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
