After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
