1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
