Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
and you fell through a lawn chair
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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