Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
