Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
