i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
