I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
