Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Randomize
