i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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