I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
