There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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