So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
