If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
