Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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