I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
