In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
