atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
