Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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