I'm going to jail i love you
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There r osticjed everywhere
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
