Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
