its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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