I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
