I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
