if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
