I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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