textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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