just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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