I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm both gender and math confused
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
