Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just had sex on a roof
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
