I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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