If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
