then he tried to convert me to islam
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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