Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
