STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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