I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
