so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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