My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
