Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
