that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
