he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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