I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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